No More Shrinking
How Pleasure Helped Me Step into My Power
For a long time, I moved through life without fully advocating for myself. I learned how to be seen and not heard...and sometimes how to be totally invisible. I learned to speak only when spoken to…to keep my head down and mind my business. That’s how I was raised, it is what it is. Yet and still, I wasn’t what you would call shy but I was pretty reserved. I had thoughts, opinions, and ideas—but I often prioritized keeping the peace and making others happy over making my voice heard. I internalized the idea that my comfort mattered less than making others feel at ease, and without realizing it, I slowly started dimming my own light.
But here’s what I’ve learned: shrinking yourself doesn’t protect you. It doesn’t make life easier. It only disconnects you from yourself, your desires, and the joy you deserve. Now that I’m a mother of three daughters, I refuse to raise them the way I was raised. I want them to know the power and the beauty of their voices. I don’t want them to be college aged before they’re comfortable being who they are.
So, if you’re reading this and you’re having a hard time using your voice, keep reading to discover how to reclaim your voice.
How I Started Reclaiming My Voice
My journey to confidence and self-expression didn’t begin with TED Talks, major declarations or grand gestures. It started with something much simpler: pleasure. Discovering what pleasure meant to me…what it felt like…what it looked like so it would become recognizable and be welcomed into every area of my life.
So before we get into what pleasure really is, take a moment to let yourself forget what you think you know about pleasure. It’s likely that when you hear “pleasure” you think about sex or some sort of sexual activity. Instead, I offer you this: At the foundational level, is about tuning in to what makes you feel good—mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually, and sensually. Simple. The more I allowed myself to experience small moments of joy, the more I realized that my needs mattered. And when I started valuing my needs, speaking up became easier.
If you’re struggling to take up space, here are three things that helped me reclaim my voice:
Start with Mini Moments of Pleasure
Tapping in to pleasure started with me finding more joy in my day. It was me acknowledging the small things and asking as often as I needed to “What brings me joy?” Then, I started incorporating those things into my life.
Mindful eating: Taking time to engage all my senses with my food. I looked at each bite of food, smelling it, touching it, then eating slowly.
Adornment: Wearing clothes, perfume, or jewelry that made me feel sexy, powerful, or held special meaning — even if no one else saw me or knew the meaning of the thing.
Expression: Saying exactly what’s on my mind, laughing out loud without covering my mouth or face. These things may seem insignificant, but when you’re not used to taking up space, they can be HUGE!
These small moments of joy remind you that your experience of life matters.
Challenge the "Shoulds"
A huge part of my silence was rooted in the idea that I "should" act a certain way. I "should" be agreeable. I "should" be selfless. I "should" not make people uncomfortable.
But when I started questioning those "shoulds," I realized they weren’t even mine. They were expectations placed on me by family, society, and past experiences. Seriously! Whenever a “should” popped up, I asked “Who said that?” And I wait for the answer. I was surprised more often than not. Ask yourself, “What expectations am I holding onto that don’t serve me?”
POP In: Journal on this: "If I lived for myself instead of others, I would…”
Vocalize
It’s wild how I was able to get more of what I desired by using my voice. For quite some time, I suppressed my desires—whether they were related to pleasure, boundaries, or even self-expression. When I started saying what I wanted out loud, even if it was just to myself at first, something shifted. And shifted in a big way.
“I want to take a break.” — Then I took the break.
“I don’t actually enjoy doing this.” — So I stopped doing it.
“I deserve to feel good in my body.” — So I engaged in healthier habits and practiced safe self-touch.
Once I started acknowledging my desires out loud, my ability to set boundaries and speak my truth became stronger and (over time) easier.
The Reclamation
In case you missed it, confidence isn’t something you achieve—it’s something you practice. And pleasure is one of the most powerful ways to practice self-connection, self-love, and self-trust.
Take this blog as permission to take up space. If you’ve been silencing yourself and waiting for permission, I’ll leave you with this reminder:
You are worthy of pleasure.
You are worthy of joy.
You are worthy of a life that feels good to YOU.
Reclaiming your voice and embracing pleasure is a journey—but you don’t have to do it alone. Whether you’re looking to reconnect with yourself, integrate more joy into your life, or create systems that actually feel good, I’m here to help.
✨ DM me or drop a comment: What’s one way you’re choosing pleasure this week? Let’s talk about it!